so today is the 6th day of my abstinence from desserts - no more cakes, cookies, brownies, chocoate, pies, pastries, puddings, or sugary sweets of any kind. And even further than that - i am abstaining for anything that i think may trigger my compulsive eating - like corn bread, certain bready things, diet sodas, and artificial sweetners. I am working to eat 3 abstinent meals daily and if need be an abstinent snack mid-afternoon or after dinner. I am trying to apply what seemed to work for me in AA - "dont' take the first drink" to my food addiction. At first I didn't figure out how i could apply this model which worked so well for me to food since i have to eat everyday, but now that i've gained true awareness about what triggers my obsession/binge eating and now that i'm ready to be really honest about what my body can't seem to handle, i finally see how i can apply the don't take the first bite to my food plan.
i'm feeling good with this new plan in place - very free - now that i have real concrete boundaries that i can work on just for today that make sense. yes, i am definitely sad and frustrated that i will never again be able to have a warm chocolate chip cookie or a slice of birthday cake, but i just can't think of it that way, i just need to stay focused on today and how i know this method works from my recovery from alchohol. i don't need desserts, they serve no nutritional value and i cannot handle foods that purely contain an emotional value and tend to trigger physiological cravings like a drug.
The one obsession i need to focus on letting go of now is weighing myself, expecting some huge weight loss just because i let go of a piece of cake! i am taking things one at time and i haven't been doing any physical activity other than the regular walking that i get to do since i live in brooklyn, so i need to keep that i mind and remember that first and foremost i am giving up desserts to: 1)free my mind of the obsession and2) free my body of the cravings, so I need to stop expecting that number to drop on the scale. Weight loss is not my reward for not eating a donut! I promised myself i wouldnt' weigh myself until sunday (once a week) and of course like a sleepy robot i got on that scale this morning to see that i'm the exact same weight i was on monday when i checked. this sort of compulsive weighing can only derail my current positive outlook.
Easy does it, but do it! thank you oa for exisiting today, being able to say my day count today has infinitely helped me keep this all in perspective and keep on going with it!
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