i thought i would be okay today since I packed a very nice breakfast and lunch so I didn't have to worry about what to eat and I got to go to my regular OA meeting, but it's around 4 p.m. and i have already eaten a snack of pack of Planters peanuts in the middle of day which is not on my meal plan. My food plan consists of 3 abstinent meals not containing sugar or flour and a snack after dinnner. Well, I enjoyed my lunch around 1:00 but by 3:00 I was hungry again. I know that part of my hunger is related to the fact that i do not want to be at work anymore today and I am very stressed when i think about some of the assignments that I am behind on. And part of my hunger is feeling deprived, I am sitting in this office all day with the sun shining outside and i just want a little something sweet in my life right now.
I think as long as I dont' convince myself that i've already failed by eating the peanuts I can stay on course. The peanuts won't trigger my sugar craving, just the desire to graze and graze and graze. Tonight I am supposed to go to a pilates class but i just feel like it's all too much. I just want to do something fun and relaxing, but I feel like I will feel so much better about my body if I do some more working out. It's only 45 minutes and then I'll feel so good about myself.
15 minutes later...okay the urge to binge is passing and I think I can make it to the end of the work day without a problem. The afternoon of a workday is pretty much my worst time ever, that's when the day just feels like it will never end, and my job will never be fun and I'll just keep having to do this every day forever. But I can't take on my whole life's problems every second of the day, that will never make me feel good.
Right now I"m grateful the feeling has passed and I feel like writing in the blog really helped slow be down before I just ran right out of this office to curl up with some food for a second.
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